military aviation jokes

I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? They throw out a pistol. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. What did you do? It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. 10. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. Rodrigues? I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Me: Hello? You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. We are directly under the moon.. 4. Co-Pilot: What?!. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? They bagged six. Aviation Jokes: A military cargo pla Killed bin Laden. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Military jokes! How old are you? a tenant asked. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. ! Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. They want their patients to see 20:20! I was the cook.. Marines Say OOOOORAH! Im 81 years old, he answered. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. (Hang up. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. What does ARMY mean to you? Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. A LOOtenant! The Lasting Supper Funny Aviation Jokes - BEST FUNNY JOKES Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. And )second Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. I was the tallest guy in line. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. 30. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. Ive been sandblasted.. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Countdown to Iditarod 2023: Tributes, jokes and celebrations as mushers She also liked her scotch. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. 37. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. It was sheer brilliance. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. March forth! 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? The Best Aviation Jokes - Ridge Landing Airpark Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Attention! One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. Killed bin Laden. Now, lets try it again! The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. MARCH! 66. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. Officer: Soldier. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. [Answered]. An airplane! 'I could see the bones in my hands.' F-84 pilot tells the story of when The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Later, I spoke with Mom. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. 4. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. Dont think so? Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Now he likes peanuts.. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. "They're all mine. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes Why Do We Celebrate It? A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. But something struck me as odd. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. [Answered]. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Airmens mess, sir.. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. 1. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Baltimore, said Dad. How tough? 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? !" Marine: "Wait, stop. From the Squawk Sheets - F-16 A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience Heres what they came up with: 3. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. Because the Army needed heroes too. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Military Jokes Military Humor - Military News Humor Photos In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Military Aviation Archives - The Aviationist I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. 9. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. Bad altitude. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. Chicago. Its a NO FLY zone! Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Military Jokes Military Humor - StrategyPage Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. Proceed at your own risk. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! Attention! ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. He nodded. The c.i.a. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. 44. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. 32. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. I was very nervous, she said. If you cant pick it up, paint it. He is the Founder and . I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. 43. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. Soldier: Sure, buddy. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. 6. We were a tough group. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. Of course, he responded. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. What happened Sergeant? He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Eternal Piece Do you have change for a dollar? Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. The other replied, Not me! Why won't you kiss me? Full Disclosure Here. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Pilots 5. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. If it doesnt move, pick it up. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy.

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