carnac the magnificent curses

The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. A: Eight is enough. Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff. Carnac the Magnificent was a comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Answer: Kermit the Frog, Shrek, and Al Gore. #10. NO ONE! ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. . Message: Undefined variable: user_membership, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php kaleido? Carnac the Magnificent Turban/Hat If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . A: That darn cat. Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461. , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? The famous sage and soothsayer, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-omniscient, a weekend proctologist, and former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump. Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and Q: What is a drink made with soy sauce and prune juice? Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales? The act involved a variation of the magician's billet reading trick: divining the answer to a question written on a card sealed inside one of the envelopes, announcing it to the audience, then tearing open the envelope to reveal the question. stardew valley weapon tier list; mississippi state treasurer A: The Newlywed Game. hair". On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. The Question: What does Stacy Abrams call Tuesday? Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? Mouse over chart for play descriptions. Forum Novelties. Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. Q: What noise do sheep make when they laugh? I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. A: Tail of Two Cities. 40 Carnac The Magnificent Premium High Res Photos No more years! KeyCastr. Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. , The Question: What is the oath of office for all politicians? Click image to enlarge. Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page Get Image Page 2 of 4 I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. Price and other details may vary based on product size and color. Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. A: Kumquat. Source of Norm's "yak on the chest" Carson impression? Large Old Johnny Carson King of the Night Pin Back Button A: Igloo. Q. "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! Q: On a cold morning, what forms on de-grass? A: O'Hare. Eds Intro: Ladies (if any) and gentlemen. The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. (crowd cheers). . "Reading the contents of the envelope:"Name three things that have yeast. In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. A: "Leave it to Beaver." CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel. CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped Q: What was dat hippie smoking? May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. A: Shake-N-Bake. Carnac the Magnificent - Everything2.com Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor? Sacred Marvels: 17 Cathedrals That Will Take Your Breath Away, In The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson / Funny - TV Tropes Carson quickly revealed his personal bowl of potato chips hidden strategically behind the desk and Myrtles shock turned into uncomfortable laughter. Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? Carnac the Magnificent Wikipedia Republished // WIKI 2 Q: What do you call not getting busted? "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. A: Plumber's helper. (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? May your mother-in-law not have to be carried to your funeral. Present your own 'Carnac the Magnificent' jokes - able2know jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnell's porch. Ron Toth, Jr., Proprietor 72 Charles Street Rochester, New Hampshire 03867-3413 Phone: 1-603-335-2062 Email: ron.toth@timepassagesnostalgia.com Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. Q: What do you use to fry a peter? The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? A: Jaques Cousteau. So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? A: Baja. tooth? Q: When will you get to work going 55 miles an hour? Johnny Carson's Greatest Moments From Carnac to a Python Grapple Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. shorts. Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts? Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. alley? This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? ", -- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Rudy Rumohr Jr. 3339 N. Charles St Apartment 1-ALUUCP: ihnp4!whuxcc!jhunix!ins_armr -or- Baltimore, MD 21218 seismo!umcp-cs!jhunix!ins_armr -or- allegra!hopkins!jhunix!ins_armrARPANET: ins_armr%jhunix@wiscvm.ARPA. A: Dustin Hoffman. (Crowd applauds) #10. Q: What does a stupid altar boy do? CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! Question: "What does a doctor use to look at your kaleido?" Stumble It! So we see that as we get closer and closer to the Messianic Era when the world will go back to a perfected state, curses are reverting all around us just as the Vilna Gaon predicted. A: David Frost. Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. Q: What happens when your lorne rots? I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. Amazon.com: Carnac Hat The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? tissue. A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. . Tell a friend Ask a question. . Carnac held each envelope to his forehead while "divining" the answer, then tore open the end of the envelope and loudly blew into it before removing the index card with the question. promises. . One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. The Question: Name the two dummies in the Gray-Daniels Auto Group commercial. As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. The Question: My grandpaw walked five miles a day when he was 60. , The Question: Whats the only way to get your spouse to listen to you? Food is produced in abundance with machines that allow just a few people to operate massive farms with ease. Lot Closed - Sold Price: Estimate: $ 400 - $ 600. A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - LiquiSearch The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? Previous. A: Pussy Willow. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Flashback Friday: Heeeere's Carnac! | National Enquirer In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and Q: Where is the American dollar headed? A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. (Jews never kneel in prayer.). Carnac Alternatives and Similar Software | AlternativeTo Ed: Often times, thats exactly what Clarnac gets. Q: Name a jewel, a tool and a fool. A: A full moon Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake? Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? A: "Small craft warning!" carnac the magnificent Memes & GIFs - Imgflip [1] BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. The Question: Name five things Dolly Partin has. A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G. The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. stops. A: Groundhog. , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. a #2 mayonnaise but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". A: Ninety-nine and nine-tenths. Amazon.com: Carnac The Magnificent CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. A: Rub-a-dub-dub. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. The Question: What is Kamala Harris strange path to the presidency? Q: What do you call tiny little dumps? CRITIC "When I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder" ARTIST "How I do it?" CRITIC "No; why you do it." You can always tell the English, You can always tell the Dutch, You can always . The Answer: A lawyer with his brief case. Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. A: Chariots of the Gods. violence? , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. The funny story above is a satire or parody. Make a meme Make a gif Make a chart The Magical Thinking of Trump. Show"? knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the questions having never before seen the answers. Find Funny GIFs, Cute GIFs, Reaction GIFs and more. If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. She said, Why didnt you go around me?. She was cursed to have pain during pregnancy, childbirth, and raising the children (see Genesis 3:16), yet the pains of pregnancy and childbearing have been significantly eased in our times thanks to modern medicine and inventions like the epidural anesthetic. Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "Name two movies and the Los Angeles Rams fight song." Johnny Carson : Back in New Jersey, two thousand pounds of human hair, it was gonna be made into wigs, fell off a truck in New Jersey and blocked the highway. A: The four musketeers. A: Mount Baldy. Unable to come to an agreement over alimony, God intervenes to help Adam and Eve divvy up their marital belongings. Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? says? A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? Saint Sophia Cathedral is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the most significant landmarks of Kiev, Ukraine. A: Fort Knox. A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. cleanup team? One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. A: Timbuktoo. Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. questions having never Q: What do call the clone of a guy named Cy? Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. 35+ Johnny Carson Quotes From The Famous Talk Show Host And - Kidadl A: De-frost. A: Lo-fat. Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] us? hope chest. The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. . Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. Carnac the Magnificent. I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . these envelopes, A: Flyswatter. Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . proctologist. folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. A: The diamond lane. "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". Q: Who ruined that darn rug? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. , The Question: Name a mule, a donkey, and a jackass. Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: "Yes man." Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. ", "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create him.". McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". Q: Name a focal that goes both ways. Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. Q: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper? plunger. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. Q: Name a Chinese diet doctor. A: High rollers. May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. What do you look for when you're tracking three whackas? Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Q: What does your skalli do when it's happy? ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. A: The Orient express. ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. Q: How do you introduce your cat to a weeping willow? My favorite Carnac(sp?) "Knickerbocker"Q. CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php What is missing here is his delivery. The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs Mr. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember Carnac the Magnificent, a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. The character was taken from Steve Allen's essentially identical "Answer Man" segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host of The Tonight Show in the 1950s. A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. How about May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. The Question: What instructions do you get when your proctologist used to be a photographer? Is that a reptile? 2006 | CC. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. Question Man". These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the (the curse). One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." The Question: Name three famous puppets. Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. . sister. johnny carson Memes & GIFs - Imgflip May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your jock strap. A: Kaiser wrap. A: The Loch Ness Monster. (Crowd cheers) #10. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. [1] Zippo? Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal A: Bible belt. Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps? A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. Prime Video. . I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. A: Grape Nuts. Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter A: "Follow the yellow brick road." , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Carnac the Magnificent answers "A 100 yard dash" on The - YouTube In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. His reign on NBC's Tonight show lasted just a few months short of . Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? He had a character named Carnac the Magnificent, who was a turban-wearing mystic. QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. up your turban. In this memorable skit, Carson and Betty White stripped down to their skivvies to reenact the divorce proceedings for humanitys first couple. The Answer: The Pinocchio Treatment and Recovery Center. ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" The Question: Name a childrens nursery rhyme to be screamed every time Hillary Clinton opens her mouth. , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. Get a random spoof news story. Images tagged "johnny carson". the Denver Nuggets. Q: What do you call a guy who streaks Minneapolis and St. A: "Hi diddly dee." (Ben Dover) , The Question: What is Richard Schwartz fee if he collects for you? A: 50 miles per hour. Tenor.com has been translated based on your browser's language setting. Q: Describe Sister Mary Kong. A: The Sugarland Express. ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. ", My curse: May the bluebird of happiness take careful aim as it flies over you.-- Dave Montuori (Dr.ZRFQ) UUCP: !decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!damUVa CS dept, C'ville, Va. CSNET: dam@virginia, "May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.". Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? A: Double hernia. Margaret's door? Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. 2004 upper deck baseball cards. Internet Forwards Carnac the Magnificent - Alchetron, The Free Social Encyclopedia Kitchy-Kitchy? 'Nonsense on stilts': Legal experts dismiss Trump's claim that Get Image Page 1 of 4 Im Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carsons desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? Question: Name a peanut, a doughnut and a gun nut. The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? Q: What do they call the entrance to "The Gong More Quotes from Carnac the Magnificent show! - Night Scribe Line: 315 Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to Share. Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? A: Double trouble. I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. A: Keep your eyes on your prize. Amazingly, we see the Vilna Gaons prediction coming true in our own times, as many of the curses mentioned in the Bible have already disappeared.

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